Being a birth partner is one of the most meaningful roles you can play in someone’s life. Whether you’re a partner, family member, or close friend, your presence can make a significant difference during labor and delivery. But what exactly does it take to be a good birth partner? Here are some tips to help you provide the support that birthing individuals need and deserve.
1. Educate Yourself Before the Big Day
Understanding the birth process is key to providing effective support. Take the time to:
- Attend childbirth education classes together.
- Practice relaxation techniques together.
- Make a playlist together for the baby that is calming for labor.
- Read about labor stages, common coping techniques, and what options are available.
- Learn the birthing person’s preferences by reviewing her birth plan.
- Be considerate and encouraging of the mother’s wishes.
- Do your best to understand why the mother desires the birth she is seeking. If she wants a homebirth, instead of judging her, ask why. Learn more about it. If she wants a planned surgical birth, instead of judging her, ask why. Be empathetic to her desires.
- Embrace the messiness of birth as the full experience of life. There are fluids and it’s ok.
- Encourage your partner to eat well, exercise, and take care of her emotional wellbeing in pregnancy. It matters and does add up to an easier birth.
By familiarizing yourself with the process, you’ll feel more confident and prepared to assist. You can learn together and grow in a deeper way.
2. Be a Calm and Steady Presence
Childbirth is a mysterious thing and emotions may run high. One of the most valuable things you can offer is a sense of calm. Take deep breaths, stay composed, and be a reassuring voice when things feel overwhelming.
If you’re feeling nervous, remember that your energy is contagious. The calmer and more focused you are, the more at ease the birthing person will feel.
- Avoid texting and too much phone usage. It can feel disrespectful to a laboring mother.
- It’s your job to be with the mother. You don’t have to update everyone constantly. Let them know you will inform them when the baby is born. Too much texting family and friends can feel like performance pressure for the laboring women and slow down labor.
3. Support Their Physical Needs
Labor can be physically demanding, and there are many ways you can help with comfort:
- Offer water or snacks if they’re allowed and desired.
- Help her change her clothes if needed during the surges.
- Minimal phone usage shows respect.
- Suggest different positions or to slow dance.
- Provide gentle massage or counterpressure.
- Adjust pillows, dim the lights, or help with music.
Listen to their cues, and don’t hesitate to ask the medical team or doula for guidance.
4. Advocate for Their Wishes
As a birth partner, one of your key responsibilities is to help ensure the birthing person’s preferences are respected. This might involve:
- Asking clarifying questions when interventions are suggested.
- Asking if the mom can have her blood pressure cuff and monitor removed so she can use a birth ball or go to the restroom.
- Gently reminding the care team about preferences outlined in the birth plan.
- Supporting their decisions, whether they choose a natural birth, epidural, or something else.
Advocacy can feel intimidating at first. Yet, sometimes a laboring woman can’t speak well. It’s important she has someone to help her speak up for what she prefers if she can’t talk well.
5. Offer Emotional Support
Childbirth is not just a physical event; it’s deeply emotional. Your role as an emotional anchor can be just as important as any physical task. Try:
- Offering encouraging words (“You’re doing an amazing job!”)
- Holding her hand or offering a hug when needed.
- Simply being present without trying to “fix” anything. This is key!!!!!
Let them lead the way—sometimes, silence and a comforting presence can be the most supportive thing you can offer.
6. Take Care of Yourself, Too
Being a birth partner can be physically and emotionally draining. To stay at your best:
- Pack snacks, water, and a change of clothes for yourself. (And coffee!!)
- Nap when she naps.
- Avoid electronics and screens as distractions. They may inhibit your ability to nap.
- Take short breaks if possible, especially during long labors.
- Remember to breathe and check in with your own emotions.
- If needed take a small break and get some fresh air and come back in 15 minutes.
- Use gum and peppermint oil to perk you up.
- Make sure you wear very comfortable shoes to a hospital and have a hoodie or jacket.
Self-care allows you to show up fully for the birthing person. Make sure you take lunch and restroom breaks when possible. Consider a birth doula to back you up.
7. Collaborate with the Birth Team
If a doula or medical team is involved, work together as a unified support system. Doulas are experts at guiding both the birthing person and their birth partner, so don’t hesitate to ask for tips or assistance. Experienced birth doulas understand the value the birthing has on a marriage/ partnership. Her goal is never to replace the partner. She can help guide partners to know how to help and be ready to step in when extra support is necessary. An experienced doula knows how to flow around the couple to honor their bond. It’s always about what the birthing mother needs most. It’s always about respect and consideration for the moment at hand.
More Thoughts
Being a good birth partner is about showing up with love, patience, and an open heart. You don’t need to have all the answers or be perfect—what matters most is your presence and willingness to support the birthing person in whatever way they need.
By preparing in advance and staying attentive, you can help create a positive and empowering birth experience that you’ll both cherish forever.
Are you looking for additional resources or personalized guidance? Reach out to learn how a doula can support both you and the birthing person in this journey. Together, we can create a birth experience filled with confidence, care, and connection!
Ready to support you every step of the way.
Sign up for HypnoBirthing Childbirth Classes and Birth Doula Services. There are quarterly group classes and private classes in your home! Birth doula services based on availability.
